Wasuremono: The Things We Leave Behind
by S. Sakurai
Summary: The Magical Ocean of Adventure is a fairytale theme park nobody seems to care about anymore. But one member of the Straw Hat crew cares enough to try to save it from a sinister group of collector pirates. Unfortunately abandoned, sorry!
1. Dragon Island?

Wasuremono: The Things We Leave Behind  
  
        Author's Note: This story was inspired partly by a decrepit playland in my city which was finally refurbished after being partially destroyed by vandals, and partly by the recent X-Entertainment article about the crappy-but-enjoyable fair. I really appreciate getting reviews, so please leave me one to let me know what you thought of the story.  
  
        Chapter 1: Dragon Island?  
  
        One of the skills a great man of the sea needs is the ability to tune out certain routine discomforts when concentration is called for. Usopp, perched in the crow's nest, hardly even noticed the blazing sun even as sweat made his hand slip on the screwdriver. The rocking of the boat would have prevented a less experienced engineer from performing the minute adjustments he was making with a steady hand, but Usopp was as used to the movement as he was to his own heartbeat, and compensated for it without thinking. He was able to fufill his lookout's duties as naturally as breathing, scanning the horizon with a telescope every few minutes without losing his place in the intricate device taking shape on his lap.  
  
        And of course, he was able to effortlessly tune out Zoro and Sanji's thrice-daily argument as it spilled out onto the main deck.   
  
        "How can you try to play dumb? Not that that shouldn't come naturally to you." Sanji shouted. "I walked in on you groping her!"   
  
        "Idiot, if you'd listen for even five seconds, I could tell you that--"   
  
        "I don't want to hear whatever lame excuse you think you have for pawing at Robin-chan like that!"   
  
        "I wasn't 'pawing' at her, you moron! Why don't you use more than one eye for once?"   
  
        "So you deny you were pressed up against her back, with your arms around her?"   
  
        "No, but it wasn't anything like--"   
  
        Nico Robin appeared in the doorway. "Thank you for your concern, Cook. But I assure you, what the first mate and I were doing was entirely my idea."   
  
        "WHAT?" Sanji moaned. "But you usually have such good taste!"   
  
        "If I hadn't wanted his arms to be where they were, I would have broken them." Robin said with a smile. "If you really want to do something for me, I am a little hungry..."   
  
        "SNACK COMING UP!" Sanji cried, dashing off to the kitchen.   
  
        "Hey, Robin, he thinks we were-" Zoro began.   
  
        "I know. I want to keep what we were really doing a secret, at least for a while longer."   
  
        "But he'll go around thinking that we're a couple!"   
  
        "Are you embarassed by that?"   
  
        "Of course not!" Zoro snapped, reddening. "But we'll never hear the end of it if he spreads it around the ship--"   
  
        "LAND HO!" Usopp's voice cried jovially from the crow's nest. "Island dead ahead!" The conversation between Zoro and Robin came to a close as the rest of the crew clambered onto the deck.   
  
        "Y-your snack." Sanji panted, slightly out of breath, as he handed Robin a plate of tiny, delicate sandwiches.   
        "Thank you, Cook."   
  
        "That was less than thirty seconds!" Zoro said incredulously. "What're you, on twenty-four-hour snacktime alert?"   
  
        "I don't all spend all my spare time sleeping, jackass."   
  
        "At least I don't fawn all over people like a chimp in heat."   
  
        "KNOCK IT OFF!" Nami snapped, bonking both men over the head. "I want to hear about this island! Usopp, what can you see?"   
  
        "Let's see - it looks like a spring island, just like we thought from the air temperature. Nice and green, lots of trees. Looks a lot like my hometown, actually." the long-nosed sharpshooter said, peering through his telescope.  
  
        "There's a few mountains - I see some brightly colored buildings near the coast - and --" He gasped. "There's a huge dragon looming out of the woods!"   
  
        "What? Really?" Chopper squealed.   
  
        "It's got to be as big as a house! And there's - there's Gold Roger, standing next to it!"   
  
        "Wow, a dragon!" Chopper said, his big eyes shining.   
  
        "BE SERIOUS!" Nami snapped, punching the mast in frustration. "Why do you have to do this every time? It's important to know what this island is really like so we can be prepared for it."   
  
        "It's the truth." Usopp said, miffed. "See for yourself." He dropped the binoculars down to her.   
  
        "Fine, fine." Nami said, holding the binoculars to her face. "I'll just find out mys-- eh...eh..." She trailed off.   
  
        "Nami-san?" Sanji asked in concern.   
  
        Nami's legs gave way under her. "A dragon... and Gold Roger... it's the truth!" She started shivering violently.   
  
        "Nami! Don't go into shock!" Chopper said, running to her side. "I'm scared of dragons too, but we have to be brave!"   
  
        "It's not the dragon that scares me!" Nami wailed. "Usopp was one hundred percent truthful! It's the end of the world!"   
  
        Usopp dropped down to the deck and put a consoling hand on her shoulder. "If it bothers you that much, then I've just learned how to fly, I heard that Yosak and Johnny beat Mihawk in a duel, and Luffy's become a vegetarian. Feel better now?"   
  
        "Much." Nami smiled.   
  
        "A real dragon! Amazing!" Luffy grinned widely. "Okay, Sanji! I've decided! ... I'd like to eat it barbecued!"   
  
        "I thought you were a vegetarian." Chopper said, puzzled.   
  
        Robin closed her eyes and murmured "Ojos Fleur." After a moment, she turned to Luffy. "I wouldn't raise your hopes too high, Captain."   
  
        XXXXXXXX   
  
        "You were right, Robin-chan, as usual! It's just a statue!" Sanji said when the Going Merry was close enough to see what stood on the beach.   
  
        "A really lousy statue." Zoro commented. Though it had obviously once been intricately painted, the surface of the dragon was chipped and flaking and where it wasn't faded, it was completely bare. Part of a second coat of green paint had been slapped haphazardly on the head much more recently, but not only was it far less carefully applied, but it stopped halfway down the neck as if the paint had abruptly run out. The dragon's sole texture was provided not by scales, but by hundreds of sets of initials and earthy pirate curses carved into the wooden chassis.   
        "It's still really big, but seeing it in this shape is kind of depressing." Nami said. "I wonder if it's been abandoned?"   
        Luffy and Usopp were the only two who still appeared really interested in the decrepit figure. As soon as the Merry had dropped anchor, they were off through the brush to leap on the statue and climb on its back.   
  
        "Would you get down from there?" Nami yelled, chasing after them. "If that does belong to somebody, and you break it--"   
  
        "Hey, this thing hasn't been fixed up in a while. Look at this graffiti." Zoro pointed out two knife scrawls which read "Shanks was here" and "Buggy was here FIRST" followed by identical dates. "These are over twenty years old."   
  
        Nami ran her hand over the weathered wood, feeling the knife furrows. "It's it terrible shape now, but it must have been beautiful when it was first built." Her throat tightened. "It's horrible that so many people would deface it like this." Hastily Sanji slipped his penknife back into his pocket and casually leaned up against the statue's side to obscure the heart with "S. N. & R." in it.   
  
        "Didn't you say that you saw Gold Roger standing right here?" Robin asked suddenly. "I didn't notice him when I looked, though."   
  
        "That's right! I saw him, definately!" Usopp said. "Nami saw him too, right?"   
  
        "Somebody who looked like him, anyway." Nami confirmed. "I wonder where he went?"   
  
        "I-I-I..." a voice stammered and cracked from behind them. "I'm right here! I'M THE KING OF PIRATES, GOLD ROGER!"   
  
        There was a long pause as the Straw-Hat Pirates stared up at the speaker.   
  
        "M-m-my treasure?" stammered the pimply teenager in the oversized pirate hat and false mustache. "I-i-if you want it, then you can h-have it, b-b-but you'll have to search th-the entire w-world..." His knobbly legs began shaking in fright.   
  
        There was another long, disbelieving pause. Finally, Chopper broke the silence.   
        "WOW! THE REAL GOLD ROGER!" he gaped, agog. "Everybody thought you were dead! THIS IS SO AMAZING!"   
  
        "Aha, so we meet again, Gold Roger?" Usopp smirked. "You want a rematch, do you? Don't worry," he winked at Chopper. "I beat him before and I can do it again?"   
  
        "You beat Gold Roger? COOOOOL! I thought you weren't even born then!"  
  
        "Didn't I ever tell you the story of 'Usopp, the Manly Embryo?'"   
  
        "This isn't Gold Roger, it's some kid in a lousy costume." Zoro growled.   
  
        "Yeah, he's a fake!" Luffy frowned. "He's not Gold or even Silver or Bronze Roger!"   
  
        "Maybe he's Booby Prize Roger?" Robin said with a straight face.   
  
        "... M-my treasure? I-if you want--"   
  
        "I don't want it." Zoro said, drawing a sword a few inches from its sheath . "Tell us what's going on!"   
  
        The boy fell down blubbering. "The old lady doesn't pay me enough to deal with real pirates..." he muttered to himself.   
  
        "What was that?"   
  
        "Can't you guys just go around to the front like everybody else? Th-this entrance is closed anyway..."   
  
        "For the last time--" Zoro snarled.   
  
        "It's a theme park, isn't it?" Robin said. Her arms, sprouting like dozens of new branches from the trees, pulled aside the foliage which obscured a large wooden sign just as old and dilapidated as the dragon.   
  
        MAGICAL OCEAN OF A VENTURE  
        SE THE MON TERS OF THE D EP   
      M ET FA OU PIRA E NC UDIN   
        SH RRY "1000 ALES", MOS   
        B AUT FUL PI TE Q EEN IN  
        AL OF H S ORY - EAT FUNN L CAKE  
  
        "Magical ocean of a venture?" Usopp read.  
  
        "It should say 'adventure'." Nami corrected. "The letters have fallen off... I'm astonished a place like this is still open in this condition."  
  
        "Hee hee!" Luffy said, looking at the sign. "I can definitely smell adventure here!"  
  
        "It's just dry rot!" Nami complained. "If the rest of this place is falling apart the way these things are, it'll probably collapse on our heads!"  
  
        "This is the south entrance. It's been closed for years." the shell-shocked boy in the Gold Roger costume said, still fearfully eyeing the disembodied hands. "I-I just come out here to get the equipment w-we stash in the dragon."  
  
        "Could you take us to where we do get in?" Usopp asked enthusiastically. "This place sounds really interesting!"   
  
        "I'd like to see it as well." Sanji said, having deciphered the words "most beautiful pirate queen in all of history."   
  
        "Fine, fine." the fake Gold Roger sighed resignedly. "It doesn't matter if you're pirates. There's nothing worth stealing here, anyway, useless you like stuff that's falling apart, or petting zoo animals."   
  
        "We can get some good meat here!" Luffy cheered.   
  
        "Is that line about '1000 Ales' true?" Zoro asked hopefully.  
  
        "Uhm... it was 'Tales' originally. '1000 Tales'."   
  
        "Oh. In that case, I volunteer to guard the ship."   
  
        "Why don't I stay with you?" Robin suggested. "It would be better if we had some time alone to work on some things, anyway."   
  
        "Hey, what are you planning, pervert marimo?" Sanji said angrily.  
  
        "She's the one who said--"   
  
        "Buy me something nice at the park, okay?" Robin asked.   
  
        "OKAY, ROBIN-CHAN!"   
  
        XXXXXXXXXXX   
  
        Somewhere within telescope range of the Going Merry...  
  
        The messenger picked his way through the ship's hold with the expert care every member of his crew shared. Without tripping once, he slid through the narrow shafts between teetering mountains of books, hopped over several bales of old clothing and expertly used a lamp as a makeshift polevault over a wall of half-rusted armor. Even with his skills, though, it took his a good minute to reach the one spot in the vast wooden belly of the ship that wasn't crammed full of every manner of object. The cozy living room set, each piece a different style and color, was instead only mildly cluttered. It was so clear that the floor was sometimes visible, if you knew what to look for and were lucky.  
  
        There were four people here, dimly lit by a sputtering lantern. Facing the one in the worn striped armchair, the messenger repeated his missive.  
  
        "Captain, we're almost to Torona, and the lookouts report seeing another ship docked on shore." He gulped. "A pirate ship. The Jolly Roger has a straw hat. We're not sure of what that means--"   
  
        "Well! What interesting news! You get a prize." The captain's arm extended. "Surprise capsule!"   
  
        The messenger shuddered, but made himself reach out and feel around the hand until he found what he was looking for. He pulled the capsule loose, feeling sick no matter how many times this happened, and opened it.   
  
        "It's... it's a thimble."   
  
        "You don't sound too happy." the captain said petulantly. "Still not used to my powers? Well, I guess it's just a thimble after all. Better luck next time, bye bye!"   
  
        As the dismissed crewman negotiated the obstacle course back, the captain's hand squeezed tight, and opened again holding a small book. "Hmm... I'll check the guide. Ah! Jolly Roger with a straw hat is... the Straw Hat Pirates! I guess it's pretty obvious."   
  
        "'Straw Hat' Pirates?" the shortest and widest of the four said with interest.   
  
        "Oh-ho, I guess that catches your eye, hmmm? But it says here they're very strong."   
  
        "I can take them for long enough." a third spoke. "I've heard of them. There are three pieces on that ship for me to add to my collection."   
  
        "My friend, with you it's always the same." the tallest of the group sniggered. "But in truth, my collection is missing a charming thing or two that I might be able to snag. We may have permission to go collecting, correct, Captain?"   
  
        The Captain paused a moment. "It's okay with me. Whichever you want to do. I'm still just interested in that park. If you want to mess with the Straw Hats, I guess it's your business. But you know the rules. If you make them mad and they start fighting you, I'm not bailing you out. Understood?"   
  
        Three heads nodded grimly.   
  
        "Good. Then let's go get some of that funnel cake."  
  
End Chapter 1! Please leave a review! Next time: The Straw Hat Pirates explore the saddest carnival you ever saw, and Sanji's on the look out for the promised buccaneer beauty, in "Sherry of 1000 Tales". 


	2. Sherry of 1000 Tales

Wasuremono: The Things We Leave Behind  
  
Chapter 2: Sherry of 1000 Tales  
  
"This is supposed to be a theme park?" Nami said in disgust.  
  
She had good cause to be disappointed. The "Magical Ocean of Adventure Theme Park" covered quite a bit of ground, but you could have taken all the attractions that weren't broken, utterly worn out, or just plain bad and fit them into one room, and even then, it would be a mostly empty room. Malfunctioning clockwork automatons made up to look like characters of legend sputtered into occasional life, straining to fulfill their endlessly repetitive tasks. Rain-streaked wooden cutouts leered down at the very few visitors unlucky enough to be stuck spending the day here, while from below, weeds poked freely out from the paving stones. Somehow, the mechanical characters, even those that were smiling, seemed to have expressions of misery mirroring those on the faces of the patrons. Only Nami's companions seemed the least bit interested in what the park had to offer.  
  
"These animatronics are really well crafted." Usopp commented, taking a closer examination of the moving joints of a mechanical Noland.   
  
"That's it, the city of gold sank into the s-ank into the s-ank into the s-ankintothes-ankitos-ankintos-" the clockwork dummy responded, its vocal spring squealing horribly as it caught on a loose internal part. Sparks flew out of Noland's gaping grin.  
  
"How can you say that? These are in terrible shape!" Nami said.   
  
"They weren't always. But it doesn't look like there's been any maintenance on them for years. Even the best engineering will deteriorate over time. They could be fixed up as good as new." Usopp tapped Noland's violently quivering head. With a small but firey explosion, the head exploded free of the body and flew off into the woods, leaving billows of acrid smoke in its wake and still chattering rapidly about the city of gold.  
  
"I'd like to meet this 'Sherry'" Sanji said, straightening his tie. "I don't think the 'most beautiful pirate queen in history' could compare to Nami-san, but it doesn't hurt to check."  
  
"Uh, well." Their guide, the knock-kneed teenager in a patchwork Gold Roger costume who had introduced himself as "Reggie", coughed. "I think she should be in the main office. She's the owner, you know. She built the park to represent all the adventures she had when she sailed the seas. That's how she got her nickname, '1000 Tales', because she has about a thousand stories to tell."  
  
They could tell when they were getting closer to the center of the park because the sad fairytale display began to give way to broken rides. The ferris wheel, the bumper carts - almost everything was out of service, and those that weren't might as well have been. Nobody was brave enough to risk their lives on such rickety contraptions.  
  
The central office proved to be a shack hidden behind a section of the long-collapsed roller coaster track. On the door was a weathered poster bearing the legend "Sherry of 1000 Tales".  
  
Sanji's eye bugged out heart-shaped at it. The woman on the poster was gorgeous, voluptuous, and not wearing much beyond her vest and diaphanous pantaloons. "She's the owner?" he gasped.  
  
"Uh, yeah, but--" their guide began.  
  
"SHERRY-SAN!" Sanji cried, flinging open the door. "It's so nice to MEET YOU! My name is AAAAAAAAGGGGGGH!!"  
  
Luffy, Usopp, Chopper and Nami stepped into the shack over Sanji's quivering body. "Ba-ba- baba- baba..." he muttered in shock, curling up into the fetal position.  
  
"Well, honestly." Nami sighed. "I could have seen this coming - that poster looked faded enough to be about a hundred years old."  
  
"How rude!" croaked the incredibly old crone within the shack, hobbling out from behind her orange-crate desk. "It's only seventy-three years old, impertinent girl!" She shook one long, claw-like finger in Nami's face. "What's the meaning of coming into my office?"   
  
"Uhm, they're pirates, Grannums." Reggie said apologetically. "I don't think they're raiding us, though."  
  
"If they are, they'll have to answer to me." Sherry's dusty voice croaked. "Your crew would do well to remember who you're talking to. I captained one of the largest pirate crews in the world, back in my youth, you know."  
  
"We don't have any intention of stealing from this place." Nami said. "We'll just be here until the log sets. How long does it take?"  
  
"Nineteen days." Sherry answered. "So you might as well get used to the place."  
  
"Wow, you're awesome, lady!" Luffy said, staring at the old woman. "You're super old and wrinkly, but your hair is still really black and silky. You're like a shrunken head I saw once, only alive and you've got a shrunken everything!!"  
  
"How detestably forward! Young man, there are indeed living shrunken heads on the island of Myopopo! I've met them, and they look nothing like me! Absolutely nothing! They're much shorter!"  
  
"The living shrunken heads - yes, I met them too, once, you know--" Usopp began.  
  
"Can you tell us a little about the lay of the land?" Nami interrupted. Sherry hobbled over to an antique looking map on the wall. "This here, where we are right now, is called 'Reverse Mountain', because it's where you start and it's where all the parts of the park meet. It's where all the big rides are. To the north is 'Fairytale Island', and to the south is 'Sea Monster's Lair' - that's the funhouse and such."  
  
"I didn't mean map of the park! What else is on this island?"  
  
"Tortugan doesn't have much. A few small towns, and the capital, Tortuga, which is pretty big."  
  
"The capital--"  
  
"--is a great place to go if you like having body parts chopped off. The local authorities don't cotton to pirates, or really, to any kind of fun. That's why I'm way out here. I suggest you stay here at the park. Although there is one very important thing you need to know." Her face took on a grave expression. "One item of vital importance to your remaining here."  
  
"What's that?" Nami asked.  
  
"800 berries per person per day, admission."  
  
"I'M NOT PAYING THAT!" She turned and stalked out the door. "For this place? What a rip off. Come on, let's just wait on the ship!"  
  
"Oi, Granny." Usopp spoke up. "How many people do you have working here?"   
  
"It's just my lazy great-great-grandson. There used to be more, but business is off."  
  
"Well, I couldn't help but notice that some of the rides and displays are broken." Usopp said. "If you don't mind me taking a look at them, I bet I could get some of them working again."  
  
"Yeah! That sounds fun!" Luffy grinned. "I'll help too!"  
  
"It's a good idea, since we're free anyway." Chopper said.  
  
"Really? That's a very generous offer." She smiled, revealing several gaps in her teeth. "If some of those things were fixed, we might actually bring in some more business. I can't promise I'll be able to pay you, but if we end up increasing ticket sales, you can have the extra money."  
  
"Oh no." Usopp said, folding his arms. "The Great and Manly Usopp does this out of the goodness of his--"  
  
"What percentage of the extra?" Nami said, popping back in through the door.  
  
"Crap, how far away were you when you heard 'money'?" Usopp murmured.   
  
"What about sales of food and merchandise?" Nami pressed on. "And if my workers incur expenses renovating the park, how much interest will we get with our compensation?"  
  
"Er..." Sherry began, chuckling embarassedly. "I'm not so good with money details like that. All I usually do is charge admission. I tell you what, why don't you just keep track of it and take whatever you think is a fair amount for yourself?"  
  
"Th-th-" Nami swallowed a sudden rush of drool. "That sounds like an acceptable agreement."  
  
"If that's how good Sherry's business sense is, it's no wonder this place is falling into ruins." Usopp said to Chopper under his breath.   
  
"If we're going to make any profit, we need to divide up tasks efficiently." Nami said. "Usopp, you can take care of fixing the clockwork in 'Fairytale Island'. See if you can repaint some of the cutouts too. Chopper, you can get started cleaning up the place, there's garbage everywhere."  
  
"I'll do my best!"  
  
"Sanji, could you make some concessions to sell?"  
  
"I'll get started right away, Nami-san!" the cook cried. "I know plenty of little things I can make that would be suited for selling as refreshments."  
  
"And I'll fix the roller coaster!" Luffy cheered. "Hey, old lady, where do you keep the really big hammers?"  
  
"NOBODY'S going to TOUCH those big deathtraps, especially not you!" Nami shouted. "Let's get the little things fixed first, since we have less than three weeks to turn a profit. Luffy, you can be our publicity person, to let people in the city know that the park is being improved. You're... noticeable enough. I'll print some flyers for you to hand out. You can help with cleaning until then."  
  
"H-hey," Usopp stammered. "Just a minute, when did you suddenly take charge of this? I just wanted to help out an old woman, not make a pile of berries off of her."  
  
"Who says we can't do both? I'm not going to sit here for nineteen days doing NOTHING!"   
  
Chopper rushed to hide behind Usopp in his usual reversed way. "Nami is scary..." While Chopper and Luffy rushed off to pull weeds and pick up trash, the other three walked back to the Going Merry for the supplies they needed. At their arrival, Nico Robin was leaning on the ship's rail looking down at them, a little flushed and winded.  
  
"Hey! Robin! How was your day alone with Zoro?" Usopp called.  
  
"DON'T SAY IT LIKE THAT!" Sanji yelled at him. "Robin-chan! I'm baaack!"  
  
"Welcome home, Cook, Navigator, Sharpshooter."  
  
"Nami - " Usopp began when they were on deck. "I want to show you something. There's something I've been working on that I think could really help turn the park's fortunes around."  
  
"Yes, what is it?"  
  
"In here." He led her into the men's bedroom and pulled a large trunk out from under his bed. "I started off just building one for me, but then I thought you could use one too." He flipped the lip open and pulled out what was inside, laying it out on the bed.   
  
".... THAT?"  
  
"See, this one's mine, and that's yours."  
  
"You want me to WEAR THAT? In PUBLIC?" Nami goggled at him. "Are you CRAZY?"  
  
"Nobody will be able to see your face. Besides, when I was a kid this kind of live show was really popular. I bet we bring in crowds of people to see it. Crowds of paying customers."  
  
"Weee-ll..." Nami said uncertainly. "If you're sure we won't have to show our faces... maybe."  
  
"That's the spirit!" Usopp crowed. He picked up the gaudy red helmet from the bed and pushed it down over his head, his nose escaping from the faceplate with an audible "twaaaang!" "The Usopp Galaxy Fantastic Volcano Hurricane Action Rangers are ready for deployment!"   
  
"...I'm embarrassed already...."  
  
End Chapter 2! Please leave your reviews! Next time: The Straw Hat pirates do their best to help out the park, but problems arise. A mysterious woman named Swiss appears - will she be a friend or an enemy? .... And how can she eat as much as Luffy? Next chapter: "Swiss: A Cheesy Encounter"! 


	3. Swiss: A Cheesy Encounter

Wasuremono: The Things We Leave Behind  
  
Author's note: Thanks to everyone who left reviews for the first two chapters! Many people have wondered about what Zoro and Robin are doing - well, that's my secret for now, but all will be revealed in time. Don't worry, it's nothing ecchi... or is it? Mwa ha ha!  
  
Chapter 3: Swiss, a Cheesy Encounter.  
  
"USOPP - FLYING - WIZARD - TSUNAMI - BEEEEEEEAM!!"  
  
A stream of pressurized water sprayed forth from the mysterious masked man's gauntlet. The audience of children oohed as the attacking monster was doused by the attack. Growling, it backed off slightly, bumping into a tall building and knocking it over.   
  
"Get 'im, Ranger Usopp!" one little boy yelled, jumping up in excitement. The ranger turned to the audience and flexed his muscles in a victory pose. Looking like nothing so much as a bright red insect in his carefully carved wooden exoskeleton, the illusion was completed by the feeding-tube-like proboscis sticking out of his helmet, quivering in pride, the only part of his skin visible.  
  
Unfortunately, his confidence was a little premature. The hulking beast-man Meka-Choppadon recovered and reared up on his hairy legs, bellowing in rage as he advanced upon Ranger Usopp. A few of the children shrieked.  
  
"It's just a costume." soothed the monster of one distraught toddler. "Although it's a very good one, isn't it? You can't even see the zipper. He's scary, isn't he?"  
  
"Yeah, that monster's cool!" the toddler's worldly older sister proclaimed. "He's so much better than the stupid ones from the shows in town."  
  
"RRRRGH!" growled Meka-Choppadon, turning to the audience and smiling broadly. "How dare you attempt to win the mighty emperor of the Cherry Nebula over with your words of faint praise!" He began to shuffle his feet and clap with joy. "I'll eat you all up!"  
  
"Curses!" Ranger Usopp said, flinging himself to the wooden stage in despair. "Meka-Choppadon is too strong for me to defeat alone! If only my trusted partner, Lovely Star Valkyrie Ranger Mikan were here to team up with me!" There was a long pause. Meka-Choppadon, advancing threateningly, got dangerously close to the prone Ranger Usopp, and had to start taking tiny baby steps to avoid actually reaching him. Finally there was movement in the wings.  
  
"Lovely Star Valkyrie, um, Ranger Mikan is here!" came a woman's voice as the ranger in question shuffled onto stage embarrassedly in a costume much like Ranger Usopp's but painted a glossy orange.  
  
"WHOA!" a pirate in the back row called. His friends whistled and catcalled at the form-fitting armor hugging Nami's figure. She was glad nobody could see the blush under her helmet.   
  
"Lovely Star Valkyrie Ranger Mikan! Use your mighty Typhoon Dynamite Magna-Shock!" Ranger Usopp shrieked. "I'll blast him with my Flaming Photon Bean-Shooter and the opposing energies will send him into the X-Realm forever!"   
  
"Okay, let's just get this over with." the new arrival hissed under her breath. "Tycoon Dynamo Magma-Shock!"  
  
"That's not right!" Ranger Usopp said, completely forgetting to say his own attack as two bursts of confetti popped out of the suits' gauntlets, drifting down over Meka-Choppadon, who grunted horribly and flung himself off the side of the stage.  
  
"Oh no! The X-Realm!" he shouted from inside a hedge. "Curse you, Usopp Galaxy Fantastic Volcano Hurricane Action Rangers! You've defeated me!"  
  
The audience of children clapped as the curtain came down, even if it did catch on their hero's nose and knock him to the floor. He gave a quick thumbs up to show he was unhurt before vanishing from sight.  
  
"AAARGH!" Nami ripped the helmet off her head, revealing a face flushed pink. "These suits are horrible! How do you STAND it?" She ran her fingers through sweat-sodden orange locks.   
  
"It's not so bad." Usopp said, wringing out his own soaked hair. "Maybe I should put some air vents in, though. Hey, great job, Chopper!"  
  
"Thanks, I was kind of nervous." the little reindeer said, shedding the cardboard accouterments of his costume. "There were a lot more people this time."  
  
"It's nice to know that Luffy's doing a good job drumming up publicity." Nami said. "I guess a lot of people were ready to get out of Tortugan for some fun. I just hope he doesn't get us involved in any battles."  
  
"It's not likely. Tortuga is pretty quiet and boring, and even if he did start something, he could take care of himself, and it wouldn't come out this far. This part of Torona Island is technically outside the borders of the country of Tortuga - Sherry told me that back when she was sailing the seas, she and her pirates were so debauched that Tortuga abandoned the land around her hideout rather than contain such immorality. Officially, this part of the island doesn't even exist."  
  
"That's crazy! Are they really that puritanical?" Nami paused. "I didn't realize that - and I sent him out to attract attention! What if they send word to the Marines we're here?"  
  
"I doubt it. They hate the world government even more than they hate pirates. Besides, I had a talk with him about not starting trouble. I think even HE got the message."  
  
XXXXXX  
  
"STOP, CRIMINAL!!"  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
"He just... bounced... out of the street, up into the sky!"  
  
"Witchcraft!"  
  
The city guards, resplendent in their highly impractical skintight blue-and-gold finery, charged up and down the back alleys in fruitless pursuit of their quarry. Luffy, squatting on the sill of a second story window, looked down in dismay.  
  
"Crap, and I promised not to start trouble. I probably shouldn't have hit that guy. But he deserved it! What kind of town has a crazy law like that?"  
  
"Um, Mister?" a young, quavering voice inquired. "What are you doing in our window?" Luffy turned to see two children dressed in the same traditional Tortugan gray smocks he'd seen all over town.   
  
"Hi!" the pirate captain grinned. He peeled a sheet of paper from the stack he carried and handed it to them. "Next time you're free, why not come and see the amusement park?"  
  
The children studied the poster. "Father always told us that was a wicked place." the eldest, a girl, said skeptically.  
  
"What? He did? He must be an idiot or something." Luffy dug around in his pockets. "What did Nami say.. oh yeah, this is a 'special premonitional offer'." He handed the children each a pink ticket bearing the words "Good for One Free Reindeer Ride."  
  
"ATTENTION, MISCREANT!" A voice boomed from the street. "You are in violation of City Code 121: Showing bare arms in public! City code 388: Dangerous conduct in the streets! And city code 72: Attempting to solicit a prohibited substance from a vendor!"  
  
"WHO THE HELL MAKES IT ILLEGAL TO EAT MEAT?" Luffy yelled, leaning out the window. "That's the dumbest law I've ever heard of!"  
  
"What the-- there he is!" an officer in the street below gasped as his head jerked up. "Sergeant, he's over here!"  
  
"Uh-oh!" Luffy stretched one arm out the window and up to the roof. "Ha ha, I should get going! Remember to come visit!" The arm pulled his body after it, and in a moment, he was gone, with only the sound of their chimney being knocked over to prove to the children that it hadn't been a hallucination.  
  
"Well..." the eldest said to her younger brother as they carefully perused the flyer listing the park's attractions. "... perhaps it wouldn't hurt for us to go and take a look..."  
  
XXXXXX  
  
"I'm not putting this helmet back on!" Nami snapped.   
  
"What if some kid saw you with your helmet off?" Usopp complained. "It would ruin the realism if they saw your face!"  
  
"It WOULD be embarrassing if people knew it was me parading around in this thing." Nami reconsidered. "Okay, I'm putting it back on, but just long enough for us to go find some shade and cool drinks."   
  
The three actors, two of them clacking woodenly, stepped off the side of the stage. Usopp needn't have worried - most of the crowd had quickly dispersed after the show had ended. The few who remained were either in the process of gathering their belongings, or lounging comfortably on the grass.  
  
The only person they saw who didn't look happy was a girl of about seven or eight, who was searching for something with a look of increasing desperation on her face. She blinked back tears as she cast about futilely.  
  
Usopp approached her. "What's wrong?" he asked tenderly.  
  
"M-my doll - Icca-chan." the girl sniffled. "I put her down right here to watch the show, and she's gone!"  
  
"Ah! This sounds like a job for Ranger Usopp and his assistants! What's your name, little girl?"  
  
"It's Moli. Will you really help me?"  
  
"It's our mission to help those in need! I'm sure Icca-chan just felt overheated and went off looking for something to cool her down. Do you have an article of clothing from the missing person?"  
  
"Well, I have her hat." Moli held up a tiny, tattered patchwork cap.  
  
"Perfect! Chopper, take a whiff of this and see if you can get the scent!"  
  
"I'm not a bloodhound, but I'll do my best." Chopper stepped forward and took the hat, inhaling a deep whiff of it. Moli shrank away from the little reindeer. "Th- the monster..." she gasped.  
  
"Oh, don't worry. Mecha-Choppadon has reformed after his defeat in battle. He's my apprentice now." Usopp reassured the girl. "As part of his training, I'll have him track down Icca-chan!"  
  
"I thought we were going to get OUT of these damn suits..." Nami grumbled under her breath, though she couldn't help but smile in the concealment of her helmet. "Usopp's really going overboard with this," she thought, "but it's so sweet of him..." And she didn't hesitate to follow the others as Chopper picked his way uncertainly across the park, following the faint scent of old and well-loved cloth and stuffing.  
  
XXXXXX  
  
" ...atmeatmeatmeatMEATMEATMEATMEATMEATMEATMEATMEAT--"  
  
Luffy would have simply body-slammed down onto the platter of beef sandwiches face first if Sanji hadn't stuck one foot out, with practiced grace, and caught the charging captain before he could reach the table. He used Luffy's own momentum to loft him easily over the table entirely, sending him crashing into the underbrush.  
  
"This meat is for everybody who worked hard today, especially Nami-san and Robin-chan. We don't need your faceprints in it." "I worked hard! I was in town all day and ran all the way back here! Anyway, why do we have to wait for Nami, when she's not even here?" Luffy picked himself up, gesturing at the folding table where the four members of the Going Merry crew not involved in the "Usopp Galaxy Fantastic Volcano Hurricane Action Rangers" show had gathered for dinner.   
  
"I'm sure she'll be along any minute. Robin-chan, you may start, if you wish," Sanji purred.   
  
"Thank you." Robin reached for a sandwich, as did Zoro, while Luffy scooped up seven of them.  
  
"Did I say you could start?" Sanji grunted at the swordsman. "This dinner's for people who've been helping with Nami-san's money making exercise. You haven't done a thing."  
  
"What you do is you business." Zoro said. "I never said I would help. I was with Robin all day. I don't see you withholding food from HER."  
  
"Robin-chan was helping!" Sanji snarled, unpleasantly reminded that while he'd been preparing popcorn and meat buns, Robin and that stupid swordsman had been off somewhere else, doing unknown things, and who knows what horrors the brute was perpetuating without his watchful eye around? "Unlike you, she can handle more than one thought at a time. It so happens that, while she was off humoring you at whatever you've been boring her with, she was also making the park's haunted house a big success!" Sanji could still see in his mind's curly-browed eye those children running out of the shack, screaming about disembodied hands and severed heads that talked. Even dismembered, Robin was so beautiful.   
  
"Umph, thmph sandwhmph are fo gmph!" Luffy said delightedly, his cheek's bulging like a hamster's, oblivious to his crewmates shooting dagger glares at one another. "Fo gmph! Fo gmph!"  
  
"Only for your workers? That's a shame. I was hoping I could have some." a cheerful voice called from across the clearing. Luffy looked up in interest at this new arrival, as did the others, but the most reaction came from Sanji, whose eye practically had a heart attack at the vision in black that stood before him.  
  
She was tall and voluptuous - statuesque - and dressed from head to toe in clothes as different in style and fashion as they were similar in color. From her floppy broad-brimmed hat to her leather bustier to her cutoff jodhpurs, there wasn't a thing she was wearing that matched any other part of her outfit. Yet it all hung together, somehow, with every inch of her bizarre costume the same inky color as her hair and lipstick, and all of it decorated with great gobs of jet black feathers.   
  
Sanji couldn't get her over to the table fast enough. "By all means! Sit! Eat!"  
  
"Hypocrite." Zoro snorted. The newcomer chuckled, and reached over for a beef sandwich, which she devoured in two bites.   
  
"It's pretty good, I guess." she said, smiling. "Mind if I have another one?"  
  
"No! No! I made it especially for you! By the way, may I ask who you are?"   
  
"My name is Swiss." the woman said around her second and third sandwiches. "I'm here with some friends. I guess I've seen you guys around the park before, now that I think of it. You're the one who was selling cotton candy, right?"  
  
"You should have come and said hello then, Swiss-chan, I would have given you some for free!!"  
  
"I guess I'll have to remember that for next time." Swiss swallowed the last of her fifth sandwich and turned to Nico Robin. "And you've been working in the House of Horrors, right? Great acting. You look different without the fake blood."  
  
Robin's eyes opened the slightest bit more widely in surprise. "FAKE blood?"  
  
"... Wow, you're that creepy in real life too, huh? You're gonna make me lose my appetite." Swiss pushed aside the empty platter. "Got any more of these sandwiches?"  
  
"I have plenty!" Sanji puffed smoke hearts in satisfaction. "I'm so glad you like them. So, you've met me, Sanji the Love Cook, and Nico Robin, our beautiful archaeologist. This guy stuffing his face like a pig is Luffy, our captain, and the marimo over there is Zoro." He slid up to her with another tray of sandwiches. "I'm the one to come to if you need anything."  
  
"Captain?" Swiss asked. "So you're seafarers, huh?"  
  
"We're pirates." Luffy said. "Hey, you're cool! You can eat as much as me!"  
  
"I missed breakfast this morning." Swiss explained, engulfing her twentieth sandwich. "So I'm a little hungry. You're really pirates?" She leaned forward excitedly, her onyx earrings jangling. "I've always wanted to meet some. I guess you could say I'm an enthusiast. You know about this 'Sherry of 1000 Tales'?"  
  
"We know all about her. She's a weird old lady." Luffy said, as if that were the beginning and end of the story.  
  
"Oi! Luffy! Save some for us!" Usopp's voice called. Luffy looked up to see Chopper and the two figures in painted battle armor approaching, little girl in tow, and jumped up excitedly.  
  
"Wow! I remember seeing you guys in the show yesterday!" he said happily. "You're awesome! I'd like you to join my crew!"  
  
"Um..." Usopp paused. "Um, Luffy, it's US!"  
  
"I know! I saw you in the show! Do you play any musical instruments?"  
  
"IT'S US, YOU IDIOT!" Nami cried, taking off her helmet and smacking Luffy's head with it.   
  
"Hey, Chopper, are you sure you were following the right trail?"  
  
"I did the best I could!" Chopper said defensively. "The trail leads somewhere around here, but something's getting in the way."  
  
"Can't you find her?" Moli asked plaintively. "She isn't lost for good, is she?"  
  
"We'll definitely find her! Don't worry!" Usopp reassured her. "We'll just have to keep looking. First we'll have a lunch break, though. We rangers need to keep our strength up--"  
  
"Nami! Others!" Sanji crooned. "You must meet our lovely guest. This is Swiss, a charming local girl."  
  
Nami almost did a double take when she got her first good look at her 'rival' for Sanji's attentions. "A ... local girl, is it?" she said sweetly, taking Swiss's proffered hand and giving it a friendly shake. "That's very interesting. Because there were some pirates at the show today, and I noticed that every one of them was wearing his Jolly Roger very prominently. A Jolly Roger with a hat and earrings JUST LIKE YOURS."  
  
There was a moment of total silence. Then Luffy spoke up. "Wow, you're a real fan of the pirates! You even dress to look like their Jolly Roger!"  
  
Swiss snorted back laughter. "No, no, I guess your friend here found me out. Yes, I'm captain of the Magpie Pirates." She polished off one last sandwich and stood up. "I don't know how you guys handle this kind of thing, but we can fight if you want."  
  
"It's not necessary! We love meeting new pirates, especially ones like you!" Sanji cooed. He pulled a bouquet of flowers out of some emergency pocket. "I hope we can get to know each other more closely. We could even start a pirates exchange program. You could ride on our ship a while - and your crew could borrow our swordsman. He's good in battle, and otherwise is suitable as an anchor."  
  
"I don't care about realism, I've got to get out of this horrible thing!" Nami said in irritation, unbuckling her upper body armor. "Usopp, you'd better put in that ventilation before the next show."  
  
"LET ME HELP YOU TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF, NAMI!" Sanji whirled around. His face fell. "Ohhh... you've got your regular clothes on underneath..."  
  
"I guess I probably ought to get going." Swiss said cheerfully. "Maybe we'll meet on the seas someday! In the meantime, thanks again for lunch. It was delicious." She meandered over to the trees, turning back briefly to flash them a wicked grin.  
  
"Oh, and thanks for this stuff too." she said, holding up a Log Pose and a bracelet. "It'll be nice in my collection."  
  
Nami's hand went to her wrist and once. "Shit!" she swore, feeling bare skin. "How - I didn't even feel you--"  
  
"I wouldn't expect you to. Snatching up things when no one is looking is easy for me." Swiss clenched her fist around her stolen goods, then opened it again to show an empty palm. "I guess you might say it's a gift I have."  
  
"But it's not possible--" Nami began.  
  
"I thought so." Nico Robin said. "They say there's a frission we get when one of us meets another. And no normal human could match the captain in eating..."  
  
"Kyee hee hee!" Swiss giggled. "You guessed it! I've tasted the Demon's Fruit, just as you have. Mine was called the Ana-Ana Fruit...." She smiled broadly, holding up her hand to show the small hole forming in it. "I'm a mass of pits and tunnels. Once I hide something, it stays hidden!" Holes opened along the length of her body, big ones and small, some passing straight through while others seemed to lead into the dark recesses of her innards. One particularly massive one opened in her stomach, giving her the look of someone who'd been given the traditional punishment of being strapped to a cannon.   
  
"Swiss 'the Black Hole', at your service." she smiled, licking a stray shred of meat from her teeth.  
  
That's the end of Chapter 3! Please favor me with a comment! Next time: What does Swiss want with 'The Magical Ocean of Adventure'? For that matter, what's her crew's interest in the Straw-Hat Pirates, and what are the mysterious "six treasures" they're after? Meet the officers of the Magpie Pirates, in Chapter 4 of "Wasuremono"! 


	4. Spice to the Spicy

Wasuremono: The Things We Leave Behind

In the previous chapter, the Straw Hat pirates made the acquaintance of Swiss, a mysterious woman who proved to be the captain of the Magpie Pirates. Not only is she a member of a rival pirate crew, she also posesses the powers of the Ana-Ana Fruit, and has used her hole-riddled body to snatch the Log Pose away from Nami!

Chapter 4: Spice to the Spicy

"But... but I didn't even feel you touch my hand..." Nami said in disbelief, running fingers over her bare arm. "Even with your power..."

"There's more to my power than I have to tell you." Swiss smirked. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be leaving."

"Give it back!" Nami yelled. "That's important!"

"Now, is that away way for a pirate to behave? I stole it from you fair and square. I guess you can fight me to get it back, or stop whining and go buy another Log Pose in town."

"I don't mean the Log Pose." Nami said. "You're right, we could buy another one if it happened to get broken while Luffy wiped the floor with you. But you can at least return that bracelet. It's not worth any money."

"Huh, then I don't see why you care."

"My sister gave it to me. It's a memento. It's not worth anything to you--"

"Who says?!" Swiss snapped. She waved a small but thick leather-bound book in Nami's face. "I collect pirate memorabilia, and THIS is pirate memorabilia, according to my guide. And from the famous Straw-Hats' navigator too. I'll put it in my museum back on my home island. If YOU cared so much about it, YOU would have noticed the second it was gone." She began backing towards the woods. "It wasn't doing you any good! You didn't even remember it until you saw it in my hand!"

"She's going to run for it." Zoro said, drawing Sandaikitetsu a few inches from its scabbard.

"No... I think she has a different escape route in mind." Robin said.

"Leave it to me!" Usopp said boldy, pulling out his slingslot and whipping off a round. "RANGER USOPP PSYCHO-CRUSH-WAVE DYNAMIC COMET!"

"That's just your ordinary Lead Star." Nami commented as the projectile whistled towards Swiss's chest. A gaping hole appeared in the black bustier, swallowing up the ball of lead.

"There's another bit of memorabilia for me." she grinned, leafing through her book. "The bullet of the famous cowardly sharpshooter Usopp."

"Try this one then - RANGER USOPP MAGNETIC STEAMING SOLAR RAINBOW!"

The bullet whistled directly towards Swiss's face, and rather than open up a new hole, she simply caught it in her mouth. "Trying to knock a tooth out? I guess you didn't realize I have quite a bit of control over my natural orifices as well."

"Heh." Usopp chuckled. " It's not the first time I've caught a fool with that move."

"What?" Swiss snorted. "Idiot, I just told you, you can't get me with -- urkkk--".

"Maybe my special tabasco star wasn't on your list yet?"

"HOOOOOOTTTT!" Swiss screamed, her elegant face flashing red and contorting in chemical pain. "HOOOOOOTTTTTTTT!!!" Holes snapped open in every part of her body as her shocked system dropped her entire contents in an effort to flush out the spicy demons.

"Uggh, how disgusting." Nami put a hand to her mouth as mounds of chewed sandwiches mingled with junk Swiss had picked up here and there, creating a minitature garbage dump at the incapacitated captain's feet. Out of her various holes clunked a broken lantern, a crescent wrench, some of the table's silverwear, a human arm--

"Oh, that's where that went." Robin said.

-- an old umbrella, heavily patched striped pants, a wanted poster for 'Mikio Itoo', several thousand beads, a muscular man in a panda mask (who hightailed it into the forest) and a worn patchwork doll.

"Icca-chan!" Moli's voice called. Usopp turned to see the little girl whose doll he'd been searching for, whose soft-spoken prescence had been nearly forgotten in the ruckus.

"That's ..." Usopp looked back and forth from Moli to her doll, pieces fitting together in his mind. When he looked up at Swiss, his eyes were cold with rage.

"You! You -- you even stole a child's doll!"

"She ... she wasn't watching it." Swiss croaked through cracked lips. "You're the wimpiest pirates I've ever seen. 'It's my bracelet, it's my doll.'" She coughed. "Damn you and your dirty tricks. My throat is all raw now... At any rate, it's worthless to complain about losing things if you didn't care for them when you had them. But, I suppose it's what I should expect from pirates that would spend all their time on this worthless little park that nobody but an old lady even cares about to start with."

"We're working because we can make it worth something!" Usopp said, pulling back another tabasco star. "We've got what you stole, now get out of here before I give you another souvenir!"

"I guess it's time for me to leave, then." Swiss straightened. "But I'll give you a fair warning. My three lieutenants are coming here, tonight. Unlike me, they collect very specific things. And according to my little book here, there are six treasures in your little crew that will interest them."

"Six treasures?" Nami asked. "What do you mean?"

"You'll find out." Swiss said, folding her arms. "So watch yourselves, huh?" Before any of the others could react, she dropped out of sight as though the earth had swallowed her up.

"Icca-chan!" Moli rushed forward to pick up her doll, hugging it tightly to her despite the soggy bread crumbs in the yarn hair.

"Now you'll be able to take Icca-chan home and have her tell you all about her adventures in the monster's belly." Usopp said. "You can tell us about it after the next show, okay?"

"I will! Thank you!" Moli said, running off happily.

"Another case closed thanks to Wonder Detective Usopp." The sharpshooter grinned.

"What happened to 'Ranger Usopp'?" Nami asked, wiping the sandwich gunk off the bracelet and Log Pose before slipping them back onto her wrist.

"I can be more than one, you know!"

"What a terrible person..." Chopper said, looking at the ground.

"Hey, hey, there's nothing wrong with bragging after a job well done. It's just as I said to the king of Bellabovia after I defeated the ogre who was terrorizing the kingdom. You see, in Bellabovia, boasting was a crime, and so even though I had saved the land, I was clapped in chains, and dragged --"

"No, not you, Usopp!" Chopper explained hastily. "That woman. She seemed so easygoing and nice, just like Luffy. How could she steal a little girl's doll like that?"

"Two people can act similar, but be very different inside. It's just the way humans are."

Sanji prodded the ground with his foot. "There's no trapdoor. There's nothing. She just vanished."

"It looks like she's able to escape through her own holes." Robin said. "That makes her a very dangerous opponent. She can get in and out of anywhere."

"She said her lieutenants were coming tonight." Nami said. "We'd better prepare to deal with them first."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, let's make sure we know all our positions." Nami said, spreading a map of the park in front of the Straw Hat crew. "I've sent Zoro to the shore, to guard the Merry, in case they try to steal anything from the ship."

"Good idea. The Merry itself is definitely one of our treasures." Usopp said.

"The park has been closed, and the only 'civilians' left here are Sherry and her grandson." Nami tapped a finger on the shack in the center of the map at 'Reverse Mountain'. "Chopper, you'll stay with them and guard them. We want you there in case they get injured. Usopp, you'll be our lookout. Find a place that lets you see the whole park."

"I think the rest of us should stay here." Luffy said as the two hurried off to do their jobs. He gestured around them to the open field of 'Sea Monster's Lair'. They were at the southern edge of the park, past where all the large rides were, in an area that the Straw Hat reconstruction effort had barely touched. It just wasn't worth it to fix up the carnival-style attractions when there weren't any employees to operate them or take the tickets. "We don't have to worry about it getting wrecked in the battle."

"Sometimes you can be uncharacteristically sensible, Captain." Robin said.

"Thanks!"

"Straw Hat pirates!" boomed a loud, fulminating voice. "That's you, am I correct?"

Luffy, Nami, Sanji and Robin turned to face three menacing strangers. Without even the chance for a forewarning from Usopp, the lieutenants of the Magpie Pirates had arrived.

Next: Just what ARE those Magpie pirates after? Two of the Straw Hat crew with be enraged when they learn the nature of their opponents 'collections' and what they hope to add to them, in Chapter 5 of "Wasuremono"!


	5. The Fertilizer of Love

Wasuremono: The Things We Leave Behind

With Zoro protecting the Merry, Chopper guarding Sherry and her great-grandson, and Usopp on lookout duty, the four remaining Straw-Hats are surprised by the arrival of the Magpie Pirate's three lieutenants. A group of villains arriving and everybody getting separated you know what must be coming...

Chapter 5: The Fertilizer of Love

The lieutenants could hardly have been more varied in shape.

One, a scarred hulk roughly the size of Chopper's humanoid form.

One, short and rounded.

One, skinny and lanky.

"Which one of you is Roronoa Zoro?" continued the booming voice that had startled Luffy's crew. It blasted out of the bushy baleen mustache of the scar-covered man. "I'm looking for the Pirate Hunter!"

"He's not here, idiot. You think any of these look like him?" the small woman at his feet sniped, holding a hand up to her head to steady the tower of hats balanced there. Even with the several added feet of height, she was almost wider than she was tall. Just how much of her girth was real and how much was caused by the dozens of pieces of clothing visible on her body was unknown - and her face gave no clue as to her true weight, as all but her mascara-rimmed eyes was covered by a thick knitted scarf.

"It's getting dark." 'Scar-Face' said. "How am I supposed to tell?" He squinted his beady eyes, stroking his chest. The scars descended from his mouth, hundreds of white slash-marks covering his chest like a snowy beard, and he stroked them as if that was what they were.

"It's not too dark to see what important." the tall, skinny man said, running his gaze up and down Nami's form and then Robin's as though his steel-blue eyes were paint rollers and he didn't want to leave a single spot bare. "A pair of beauties in the moonlight." He tried to wink conquettishly at both of them at once, but it turned into a blink.

Nami shuddered involuntarily. Sure, this weirdo might have been handsome, not unlike a brown-haired Sanji... if it weren't for the persistant leer that dripped more perversion than Sanji displayed even in the worth of times. Not to mentioned that he seemed to think he was a snappy dresser, but hadn't a tenth of Sanji's fashioned sense - burn and smoulder marks covered both his faded suit and the leather quiver slung over his back.

"Whatever, Solomon." The scarman grunted. "You and Tento do what you want with these four. I just want Zoro."

"He's at our ship, straight that way." Nami said, pointing.

"Thanks very much, little girl." he grinned, starting off down the darkened midway. "I'll see you two back at the Nest." he told his compatriots.

"HEY! Nami!" Luffy cried. "You're helping the enemy!"

"Like hell I'm 'helping' them." Nami said. "I don't know what that guy wants with Zoro, but if he's looking for a fight, Zoro will clobber that big lug. Did you see how torn up he was already? And that's one less person for us to worry about."

"How charmingly ignorant you are, fair lady." Solomon grinned lasciviously. "Paul's scars aren't badges of defeat, they're badges of victory."

"Whatever, Zoro will make mincemeat out of him."

"You must be very confident." Robin said. "I would have thought our reputation would have gotten around by now.

The two of you, here to fight the four of us? Bad planning."

Solomon and Tento laughed, his rattling snicker combining with her bubbly giggles to create an unpleasant sounds not unlike a bush full of cicadas.

"We're not here to commit acts of violence, especially not against two lovely ladies." Solomon explained. "We don't want to DEFEAT you. Just to add to our collections. Stealth is just as good for that. For instance, my cute little partner Tento here collects famous articles of pirate apparel. She's quite fast despite all her layers, and often she'll just sneak up and take something while I distract the target, like I'm doing now."

Luffy felt something being lifted off his head. He whipped around to see Tento, and in her hands...!

"The straw hat that gives the Straw-Hat pirates their name!" she cooed in wonder. "This will be the prize of my

collection."

"Oh dear." Robin sighed. "I don't know what's in that guidebook you're crew has been using, but it obviously left out some important information."

"Like wha" Tento began. She didn't get any farther than that because Luffy slammed into her like a rubber cannonball, screaming "DON'T TOUCH MY HAT!". The force of his charge was softened by the layers of clothes, however, and Tento remained conscious - and kept a firm grip on Luffy's hat - even as the blow sent her flying to the horizon. Clothing, ripped off by the wind, formed a gaudy rainbow describing the arc of her flight.

Luffy looked up at the falling line of clothes in dismay. "OH NO! That dumpling's still got my hat!" Immedietly, he took off into the woods in the direction Tento had fallen, practically foaming at the mouth in anger.

"... Well, it looks like we're all alone together, my charming apple strudels." Solomon grinned, gazing at Nami and Robin.

"HEY! I'm here too, you lousy crap-for-crap!" Sanji yelled. "Nami-san, Robin-chan, leave this bozo to me. He's not worthy of you dirtying your hands."

"I don't have any interest in fighting you." Solomon sniffed. "I'm just here to add to my collection of wives."

"COLLECTION OF WIVES!" Sanji and Nami shouted in unison. "Not while I'm here!" "You'd better not be talking about me!"

"Nami, the legendary thief from the East Blue, with hair the vibrant orange of a mikan peel." Solomon read from his notebook. "And just like the mikans she loves so much, her bitter exterior hides innards soft ... sweet... and juicy..."

Before she could react, Solomon had scooped Nami up in his arms. Gagging on his powerful cologue, she grabbed for her Clima-Tact, discovering on the way that Solomon's hand were snaking down into that area as well.

Giving up on the weapon, she employed the quicker, if less flashy, method of a knee to the groin to regain her freedom.

"Ah, the sweet resistance of the naive maiden." Solomon squeaked. "The tender buds of innocence - soon to blossum into the flaming flowers of passion." As he spoke, he walked towards the entrance to the abandoned Hall of Mirrors, taking advantage of the light of the lamps in the entryway to pose as though he were on stage, a single rose lifted to his narrow nostrils. "All it requires is a gardener's dedication, to pull out the weeds and feed the root with the proper fertilizer."

"Speaking of fertilizer, you're pretty full of it." Nami snapped. "You're wasting your time here if you think Robin or I would shack up with some stranger who just wants to add us to his harem"

"Nami, stand back!" Robin said, grabbing the young thief's arm. But she had noticed too late what Solomon had in his other hand. With an easy motion, he raised the glass spray-bottle and released a blast of pink vapor directly into Nami's face.

She stepped back in surprise, coughing on the fumes, as Solomon continued to hold down on the spray button. Soon Sanji and Robin were reeling from the vapors as well.

"I thought he smelled bad before!" Sanji choked. "Dammit, I can't even see!" He blinked through tears.

"I told you that I had the correct fertilizer." Solomon's voice called through the miasma. "Don't worry, blondie, it won't do anything to you. But an efficient collector like me doesn't have time for sweet talk and seduction. This way is so much simpler."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sanji yelled, preparing to deliver a kick hard enough to shut the Magpie Pirate up. "I've had about enough of you"

He was silenced by Nami's bo slamming into his head.

"N-nami-san, what?"

"I won't have you talking that way to Solomon-sama!" Nami yelled at him. "Leave us alone!"

"U..us?"

"My greatest invention." Solomon said, brandishing the bottle. The remaining pink liquid sloshed around inside.

"Any woman who so much as gets a whiff of this becomes totally devoted to me. It doesn't make her mindless, not a zombie or anything, because that wouldn't be much fun. Your beautiful crewmates remain themselves, but they're completely loyal to me now."

"A... a love potion?" Sanji croaked. "But they don't exist! I've looked everywI mean, it's impossible!"

"Well, I made it possible. I'm quite the chemist, you know. I'll be taking Nami and Robin now, and I'd advise you not to try and stop them coming along with me." He tousled Nami's hair and Sanji was horrified to see the girl practically melting at his touch. "Because if you want to stop them, you'll have to fight them, and at this point they'll fight to the death rather than be separated from me."

Nami raised her bo threateningly, staying between Sanji and Solomon. "Listen to him, please." she said sternly. "Let's part as friends. It's what I want."

"That's a good girl. And you - don't be shy, my pretty dark-haired vixen, come along."

"No." Nico Robin spat. "I'm... not coming with you."

Solomon recoiled. "What? What do you mean?"

"I have a crew, and a dream. I'm not giving either of them up for you."

"But ... but you breathed the potion! I saw you!" Solomon stammered, clutching Nami tightly to his side.

"Heh." The assassin laughed, mopping beads of sweat from her brow. "I breathed it in all right. Believe me, it's affecting me. It's all I can do to keep my hands off you. But... you really don't know very much about our crew at all, do you?" Exhaustion creased her features, making her look momentarily older than her twenty-eight years. "For all your guides, you don't know a thing about my life. I've had to teach myself how to free myself from emotion when I needed to I even had to learn how not to fall in love. Some smelly idiot with a jar full of magic potion isn't going to make a fool out of me." As the final sylllables left Robin's lips, a pair of arms sprouted from the ground, yanking his feet out from under him. He bellyflopped to the ground with a thud, as a second pair of hands grabbed his ears and whammed his head to the earth one, two, three times.

"I guess I can't keep them off you after all." Robin laughed, turning away. Yet another pair seized Nami's ankles tightly, holding her in place as the bewitched thief struggled to go to Solomon's aid.

Solomon rose up in a fury, spitting dirt and grass. "Dammit... you withered old witch, how dare you attack me?"

"Well! Somebody doesn't take rejection gracefully."

"If you want to stay with this crew of freaks, then do it, and be damned!" Solomon shrieked at her. "But Nami is mine!" He grabbed the navigator and yanked her hard, pulling her back into the darkness. Before either Sanji or Robin could react, both kidnapper and his willing victim had vanished into the Hall of Mirrors.

Robin looked down her extra hands, now holding nothing but a pair of shoes. "I thought I had a secure grasp on her." she mumbled. "He snapped the straps on her shoes. I hope he didn't dislocate her shoulder."

"Crap!" Sanji hit his forehand with his palm. "I should have made mincemeat out of him while I had the chance!"

"Nami was in the way." Robin said. "It's understandable." She sank to her knees. "Resisting that stuff took every shred of my willpower. Nami's still a teenager - I don't think there's much hope of her snapping out of it unless we stop Solomon. And if he gets her alone for long enough..."

"I don't even want to think about what that pervert would do." Sanji said, shrugging off his jacket. "You stay here and try to shake it off. I'll go in after him."

He wrapped the jacket around Nico Robin's shoulders, a defense against the coming chill of the night, and strode into the endless reflective corridors.

End of Chapter 5 - thanks to everybody who's left comments so far! More are always welcome!

In the next chapter - It's that part of the story arc again! The part where everybody has a fight! And for our first match-up, Sanji will face a deadly volley of Cupid's arrows, in the next chapter of "Wasuremono"!


	6. Stupid's Arrow

Wasuremono: The Things We Leave Behind

Author's note - sorry this took so long! In the last installment - the villainous chemist, Solomon, used a unique perfume to make Nami his love-slave! Sanji leaps into pursuit to stop the swinish swain before he can do anything too interesting to her, and chases the elopers into the mirror hall...

Chapter 6: Stupid's Arrow

The endless reflective corridors seemed to go on forever. Sanji grunted in frustration - still no sign of Solomon or Nami, nor any clue which way they'd gone, just his own face, darkened with concern, reflected hundreds of times from the walls of the house of mirrors.

By now, he could be anywhere in here, the cook told himself. He could even have gone right out again, right under my nose! And he and Nami could be....

At that moment, whether by Solomon's machinations or merely the age of the lighting system catching up to it, the lights flickered and died, and abruptedly Sanji didn't have confusing reflections to worry about. It was pitch black.

"CRAP!" Sanji yelled. "Enough of this!" He drove one powerful leg into the wall, smashing the mirror there, crushing through light wood and the glass of another mirror, opening a jagged hole into another corridor. "I'll kick this whole place down if I have to. NAMI-SAN!!"

"You'll bleed to death," a voice said softly in his ear, "trying to kick through all this glass. You've probably already got some nasty gashes."

"Robin-chan?" Sanji said, startled. "Where are you?"

"Just my mouth and an ear. I wanted to stay in communication with you."

Sanji reached up to the side of his head, feeling Robin's soft lips on his temple. Ambivalence churned in him. On the one hand, extra facial features sprouting on his head was pretty creepy, but on the other... well, they'd never been this close before...

"It's no use, there's no sign of them." Sanji said. "I'll have to kick down the walls. No other choice."

"Sherry won't be happy if you wreck her house of mirrors. It's almost the only thing in this part of the park that's in good shape. Besides, I think I've got a better way."

"How?"

"I can track them."

Outside the building, Robin crossed her hands on her chest and closed her eyes, concentrating. It was so hard when she couldn't see inside! She opened an eye on an inner wall of the building, then closed it again - completely dark. But there was another way...

"Narices Fleur." she whispered, and dozens of noses unfolded from the mirrored walls like the wings of bats.

Instantly she almost gagged as Solomon's distinctive aroma assailed her from the northwest corner of the building.

"I - I can smell him!" she gasped with the mouth near Sanji's ear. "Try to make your way north -- no, no, turn here--"

"OW! That's a wall!"

"Sorry!"

"Don't worry, Robin-chan!"

Sanji staggered through the dark for some time, feeling his way around the walls, following Robin's directions as she tracked the scent-drenched chemist through the maze. The problem way, she could tell his position, roughly, but she couldn't smell the intervening walls, after all, so the cook hit quite a few dead ends along the path.

"He stopped!" Robin reported. "Very near you - just a little to the east. I -- uck!"

"Robin?" Sanji asked. There was no response. Even the mouth and ear on the side of his head had vanished. Fearing now for the woman behind him as well as the woman ahead, he charged in what he desperately hoped was east. Whatever had happened, there wasn't much he could do for her now. After bouncing off a few walls, he slammed into a dead end and simply charged through, splintering the mirror.

The sharp stabbing pain in his eye briefly terrified him, as he envisioned a shard of glass in the socket - but no. It was simply the pain of seeing bright light again after so long in the darkness. He could tell right away Solomon was in the room with him from the powerful odor of philtres and char. He blinked his way back to vision, the uncomfortable realization dawning on him that the thing coming into focus was his quarry aiming a nasty-looking crossbow at his chest.

He took in the rest of the room quickly. A medium-sized chamber, not part of the mirror maze - a control room, or storage maybe? There were plenty of things scattered about. Solomon was seated casually in a folding chair, and there next to him, grinning dopily but otherwise unharmed, was Nami. Nami! He'd never been so happy to see her fully clothed!

Of course, if he didn't do something about that crossbow, Solomon would have his way soon enough.

"I'm surprised you managed to find me here. Didn't realize that dog was a bloodhound."

"Robin-chan, a 'dog'? Those are the sourest grapes I've ever seen." Sanji said, uneasily. "How did you--"

"Oh, it just so happened that one of those distinctively oversized noses popped up right near me. So I had my darling Nam-Nam here smash it with her little.... staff thingy." He ruffled Nami's hair, sending the entranced navigator into paroxsyms of joy. "I imagine that must have had an interesting effect on the other end."

"Nami?" Sanji said, crestfallen. He wouldn't have though even a chemically lovestuck Nami would attack a friend just on Solomon's whim.

"I wouldn't try to talk to her right now." Solomon said. "She was causing all sorts of trouble. Didn't want to crush Robin's nose, didn't want me to point crossbows at you. So I just poured everything I had down her throat." He gestured to the small mountain of empty vials at his feet. "Right now she's so full of love and devotion for me she's practically sweating it from her pores."

Nami wobbled to her feet. "Thass right your damn right I am, Sanji. Robin got what she had comin' for tryin' to interfere in my life. So just back off oright?" She hiccupped.

"You got her DRUNK?!" Sanji said incredulously. "NOW?"

"She's not drunk!" Solomon snapped back heatedly. "The effects of so many potions all at once can be... unpredictable. She's feeling many different kinds of love for me."

"She's plastered! What percentage alcohol are those potions, anyway?"

"Sixty or seventy -- wait, why am I arguing with you? I'm the one with the crossbow!" He waved his weapon threateningly. "And THIS one is tipped with a potion of death, I assure you. One nick and you're done for."

Sanji tensed. If he leapt forward -- under the shot -- he might be able to disarm Solomon --

"He's gonna jump you, honey." Nami slurred.

"Oh -- uh, thank you, Nam-Nam." Solomon smiled evilly. "He's a sacrificing hero type, I see. Well, my beloved little tangerine, why don't I point the death bolt at YOU instead?"

"Hey, good idea!" his snockered thrall hiccupped.

"Right." Solomon said, pressing the crossbow bolt into Nami's temple. "I'd rather not spoil a pretty girl, but if you force me, she'll get this through her head. And then get poisoned, which I can assure you will be completely unnecessary at that point. So just stay still while I finish doing what I was about to do when you burst in like a rhino." With his other hand, he pulled a syringe from his pocket. "I just inject this right into her ear, and she loves me and only me, permanently. Soaks right into the brain. Makes 'em dumb as logs, but it can't be helped."

"I thought you said that mindless slaves were boring." Sanji said, fighting down his rage for Nami's sake. He had to hold himself still.

"Yes, but I don't like this one too much, honestly." He rolled his eyes. "It's all blah-blah-blah about some stupid map she wants to draw for me."

"Some romantic." Sanji spat. "This is what's behind all that flowerly talk from outside? You want to make love to zombies or... or girls who are so drunk they don't know what they're doing --"

"FOR - THE - LAST - TIME!" Solomon roared, bonking the crossbow into Nami's head for emphasis. "She is NOT drunk!" He readied the syringe.

Nami gazed at him with rapturous adoration, and threw up.

End of Chapter 6 - Coming up next! A very unpleasant chapter filled with pain and suffering for almost everyone. It's time for violence! (I know, I said that last chapter, but this time for real!) Solomon and Sanji go at each other! Nami needs to get reality knocked back into her crazy potion-addled head! Nico Robin straightens out her broken nose with a horrible cracking sound! And a lot of projectiles and things flying around, in the next chapter of "Wasuremono"!


	7. A Blizzard of Projectiles

Wasuremono: The Things We Leave Behind

Author's note - Oh man, it just gets longer and longer between these things. Thank you for your patience, everyone.

Would you like to SEE the Magpie pirates? Swiss and her crew pose in a group shot! To check them out just look at the following address WHICH THIS DAMN THING WILL NOT LET ME PUT IN THE STORY! It just disappears when I upload it. So I'll DESCRIBE the address. Double-yoo, double-yoo, double-yoo, dot, deviantart, dot com, slash, deviation, slash, 16827042, slash. Sorry for the difficulty.

For those who have understandably forgotten, we left Sanji and Solomon at a stand-off in the center of a hall of mirrors, with a woozy, love-potion-saturated Nami in the balance! Fortunately Nami seems to have cleared her stomach of the offending brew...

Since I keep saying there's going to be a fight, and then putting it off, let's start this one with

Chapter 7: A Blizzard of Projectiles

shot past Sanji as Solomon fired wildly, scraping Nami's multicolored vomit off his suit while moaning about how disgusting it was. Fortunately the same surprise splattering that had caused him to involuntarily pull the trigger had caused him to jerk the bow away from Nami's head, and the crossbolt bolts lodged harmlessly in the wall.

A multiple-shot crossbow, Sanji wondered. It was just another example of advanced Grand Line technology. He's have to be careful or he - or worse, Nami - could end up a pincushion.

"Ugh! You repulsive girl!" Solomon spat, pushing Nami away. "Do you know how much some of those cost to make?"

"Um... Solomon, darling? I ... I mean..." The navigator paused, confused, her stomach empty of potions but the residue still in her bloodstream. "What's going on?" She sank to her knees and put her head in her hands. "And whose side am I on?"

"Nami-san, he's trying to use you! Come over h" Sanji was silenced by a bolt whistling by scant centimeters from his face.

"That's enough out of your." Solomon said. "I'll give you one last chance to back off and leave peacefully, only because I've got to brew up more potions for Nam-Nam and if I have to splatter your head, she might have trouble keeping them down."

"You've just made a mistake." Sanji smiled.

"Like hell. I've got ten bolts ready to go straight through your brain."

"Your mistake was in taking the bow off of Nami-san!" Sanji launched himself in the air like a rocket. "I don't mind risking MY head!"

"IDIOT!" Solomon sprayed bolts at the shock of blond hair covering the presumed location of Sanji's left eye - but of course, by the time he managed to fire, the cook was no longer where he'd been aiming. He scarcely had time to wonder where his target had gotten to when he was being driven backwards by a flurry of kicks to the chest. Before he could even focus on his assailant, he was driven backwards, hitting the wall hard.

To the perverted chemist's credit, he didn't go down that easily. Wiping bits of mud off his increasingly messy shirt with one hand, Solomon raised his crossbow back into position, tracking Sanji carefully. The next bolt ripped the shoulder out of the cook's suit.

Unfortunately for him, two chances at Sanji were all he got. And when his bolts again failed to hit squarely, his target didn't go for a kick to the body this time. Instead, Solomon felt his crossbow splinter in his hand as Sanji delivered a powerful straight kick right to the firing point, smashing the weapon into bits.

Dropping the useless mess of wood, Solomon felt around desperately for another weapon. Now he regretted pouring his entire pharmacopeia into that wretched girl. Some of them had been smoke bombs, after all, and right now all he wanted was to escape.

Sanji grinned in triumph, raising one leg nearly vertically over his head to deliver a slow, but powerful finishing blow. This one should drive that bastard through the floor, he thought, starting the descent.

"No! Don't hurt him!" Nami cried in horror, the remnants of her powerful, unnatural affection still oozing through her endocrine system. "I think I love him!" She flung herself in front of Solomon, who eagerly ducked behind his shield of convenience. To Sanji's horrified eyes, it seemed as though it happened in show motion. There wasn't time to stop the downward motion of his shoe as it slammed into the crown of Nami's head.

"I... I ... ooh." The navigator's eyes glazed over and she crumbled to the floor, unconscious.

"Well, she's out of the way, at least." Solomon sniffed, trying to regained his composure. "Aha!" He pulled out the syringe he'd brandished earlier. "I knew I had a weapon somewhere. Shall we fight for real now, without the tart getting in the way?"

"Y- You..." Sanji's voice croaked. "YOU..." His face deepened to a boiling purplish red.

"Oh, honestly, the little slut will live, if that's what you're upset about. Although I wouldn't ask her to solve a story problem anytime soon or anything".

"YOU... MADE... ME... STRIKE... NAMI... SAAAAAAAAN!"

XXXXXXXXX

Robin's eye twitched as the enormous crack appeared in the wall of the darkened Hall of Mirrors. Fortunately, she had good reflexes. She hit the ground a split second before the shock wave blasted the wall into particles.

Covering her face to shield herself from the shower of splinters and glass shards, she nevertheless caught a glimpse of a human body, limbs twisted at odd angles, rocketing out of the blackness and missing her by a hair as it flew overhead.

When she chanced a look, Robin was met with the sight of a new tunnel punched right into the side of the building, apparently created by whatever had just exploded out of it. As she stared, a figure staggered out.

Sanji cradled the unconscious Nami tenderly in his arms. When he caught sight of Robin, he sank to his knees. "Please... she's hurt... get her to Chopper." he rasped. "I can't carry her fast enough... I think I broke my leg kicking that bastard... and... I'm sorry, I guess I wrecked the Hall of Mirrors after all... Robin-chan." With that, he slumped over face-first into the ground, his hold on Nami firm even as he lapsed into dreamless unconsciousness.

XXXXXXX

Meanwhile, deep in the woods...

"Eeeek! Get your hands away from me, pervo!" Tento shrieked as those horrible rubber grabbers struck all around in gatling-like flurries, narrowly missing her. She clutched her straw prize to her chest, determined not to let the wild beast following her have his hat back even if it cost her every other piece of clothing she had... which was entirely possible. She felt herself being seized and yanked back again, hurriedly shrugging out of another layer of clothes. Her pursuer roared in anger as, for the twelfth time, he pulled nothing but an empty article of apparel out of the underbrush.

Tento turned and ran in a new direction, hoping to lose her pursuer at last. It was much easier to run now, she noticed, now that close to half her layers had been stripped off. But oh, how it hurt to lose those layers! They were all valuable memorabilia from the wardrobes of famous pirates as well! Still, for the legendary straw hat that had adorned the head of first Shanks and then Luffy, it was worth giving up a lot. Blinking sweat out of her eyes, the exhausted woman pumped her short legs even harder under her remaining six skirts in an attempt to outdistance the equally determined and much longer-legged pirate captain.

Somewhere far behind, Luffy cursed in anger, realizing that once again he'd been given the slip. Brushing leaves and twigs out of his tangled hair, he looked down at the latest bit of cloth ripped from his quarry's back. "I'LL GET MY HAT BACK!" he bellowed into the night. "YOU WON'T GET AWAY!" As he threw aside the black jacket, replete with gold-embossed and highly stylized poop-coil designs, he felt a strange familiarity tugging at the back of his mind, but tossed that aside as well and continued the chase.

XXXXXXX

"What's the situation?" Chopper asked, the normally playful deer completely sober and businesslike as his medical training took over.

"The cook has a damaged leg, and maybe other injuries. I think the navigator may have a concussion." Robin withdrew her extra sets of hands into the ground, laying the two down on the floor of the hut as gently as she could. "And then there's this one." She dropped Solomon's twisted body with somewhat less care. "I think our chivalrous friend may have been a bit overzealous in defending the navigator's honor. But you may as well try to save him, if you can. I've got to get going."

"Don't you want to stay here?" Chopper asked in concern as he examined Sanji's leg. "There might be more of these people

around. There's safety in numbers"

"You and the sharpshooter are here. I'm sure you two can protect Sherry, Reggie, and our casualties on your own. Besides, of the three who are supposed to be showing up, one is down for the count and one has, I'm sure, her hands very full with the captain. That leaves one, and I know who he's after."

Chopper mentally inventoried the crew. "Zoro?"

"I'm sure he can handle that big fool. But I do have a - let's say a previous agreement with our swordsman, so I'd better go and honor it." Robin reached down and scratched Chopper's furry head. "I'll leave you to your work, Doctor."

The little reindeer tilted his head in puzzlement as the dark-haired archaelogist walked off in the direction of the Merry. A previous agreement, he wondered. But there was no time to ponder now, he had patients to heal.

End of Chapter 7 I'll try not to take as long with the next one! Thanks to everyone who's read so far!

In the next chapter of "Wasuremono" - has the santoryu style met its match when Zoro faces a practicioner of yontoryu four-swords style? Well, probably not. But then why won't Zoro deliver a finishing blow...? The revealing of the much-overhyped thing Robin and Zoro were doing, coming in hopefully much less than four months!


	8. Yontoryu

Wasuremono: The Things We Leave Behind

Author's note - Hahah, see, I'm not dead at all. Last time, we left Sanji victorious over the evil Solomon after a titantic battle in a house of mirrors. Sanji has won, but he's also out of the fight. With Nami sleeping off a love potion, Chopper caring for the wounded, Luffy chasing the one who stole his hat, and Usopp off doing Usopp things (hiding somewhere, maybe?), Zoro is left to face the remaining member of the Swiss' underlings. And Robin is on the way as well...

Chapter 8 - Yontoryu

Zoro crashed through the brush, growing more and more frustrated with each branch he had to slash out of his way.

Where was that blasted ship? And why couldn't he get anywhere, ANYWHERE without getting lost? He couldn't have been in the woods for more than an hour, but subjectively, it felt like the better part of a year since he'd left the park.

"Roronoa Zoro." The deep, rumbling voice sounded from somewhere ahead of him. "I hear you out there, cutting through the forest. I've been looking for you! You weren't at your ship." Stepping into a clearing, Zoro got a good look at the hulking man in front of him, made even larger-seeming by the enormous pack he carried on his back. The man chuckled as he stroked the scars on his chest. "Did you think you could get away from me so easily?"

"I'm on my way to the Merry now." Zoro snapped. "And I have no idea who you are, but if you're looking for a challenge, I suppose I'm late enough that a few extra seconds won't make much difference one way or the other."

"Confident, aren't you?" The lower sliver of a smile was visible under the large man's bushy mustache. "I know your three swords style is something to be feared. But when you count on simply having more blades than your opponent can block, well, that tends to fall through when you meet someone who wields more than you can." He ran a finger along one brawny upper arm, over a tattoo in black ink - four swords, arrayed in a cross pattern around a single point, the blades pointing outwards.

"Perhaps you've heard of me? Paul, the master of yontoryu, four-swords style?"

"No."

"Oh, perhaps it was not by that name. Perhaps it was in a hushed whisper in a tavern, or perhaps in the stories you were told when you were but a child ... dark rumors, stories of a man who carried death split into quarters, who wielded four blades at once..."

"No, I'm sure I've never heard of you." Zoro answered.

"...terrifying legends told by old sea dogs as they gathered over their ale-cups... you're sure? You've never heard of me?"

"I'm quite sure." Zoro drew his swords. "But why don't you show me what this 'yontoryu' is all about?"

"Very well, I will. I'll defeat you, and take your swords to add to my collection." Paul shrugged the massive pack off of his back and it hit the ground heavily. He open the flap and looked over the bundle of swords inside, pulling two out. "You know, all these swords belonged to other warriors - ones who thought they could defeat me holding their swords in ones and twos. You're a step up from them, but still no match for four." He carefully positioned the swords so that he could hold them in his preferred manner, with his hands free, and then drew out two more.

Zoro almost did a double take at the sight of the meaty, bushy-mustached man ... with two swords jammed into his mouth, one on either side, descending like massive steel tusks. All he would have needed was a pair of flippers and the illusion of a walrus would have been complete. Without meaning to, the young swordsman snickered.

"You LAUGH at me?" Paul boomed. "You mock the majesty of yontoryu?" As he spoke, the swords - which were turned blades-inward for some reason - made fresh nicks in his chest.

"Did someone let you play with your chopsticks too much as a child?" Zoro sighed, putting his own third sword into his mouth. "Let's do this quickly."

Paul must have agreed, for without further warning he lunged at Zoro, opening his mouth wide so the 'tusks' stood straight out. He slashed with the two swords in his hands while bringing down his head sharply at the same time, driving the blades into the forest soil. It would have been a devastating attack if Zoro hadn't easily moved out of the way.

Paul brought one sword back, hoping to catch his opponent off guard, but Zoro easily parried. As the fight continued, it became more and more obvious that Zoro clearly outmatched his opponent - and also more and more obvious that Paul wouldn't accept that. He charged back and forth, roaring in anger and in the process rendering his own chest a mess of a tiny but bloody cuts.

"I don't suppose you'll agree to yield." Zoro asked. He almost felt bad about striking someone who was already injuring himself so thoroughly.

"Three swords can never beat four!" Paul answered defiantly. "You've beaten enough yourself to know that the one with more swords always wins!"

This guy ... is an IDIOT, Zoro thought. Aloud, he said, "So then, tell me - what happens if someone comes along who uses FIVE swords? Will you just roll over?"

"Five swords?" Paul snorted. "Don't be stupid. Nobody could hold five swords at once, not without making themselves look ridiculous, anyway."

This ought to be interesting, Zoro told himself. It might even be worth waiting until SHE shows up. He glanced up at the position of the moon. It shouldn't be that long, he figured. We were supposed to meet at the ship, so she should be coming right through here. It'll be a good test for her.

"What's wrong? Finding it a little difficult to get through my defenses?" Paul sneered. "Now do you understand? I can defend against all three of YOUR swords, and have one left over for offense! You've got no chance!"

"I'm refraining from cutting you down because I'm waiting for someone." Zoro explained. "At the rate we're going, though, I'm starting to think you may pass out from the blood loss from your self inflicted wounds before she gets here. Shall we call a brief

truce?"

The sound of a woman clearing her throat echoed through the woods. "That won't be necessary." Robin said from the edge of the clearing. "I'm here now. I didn't expect to find him - " she nodded at Paul " - still standing when I arrived, though."

"I'm ... saving him for you." Zoro smiled. "I think he's just about right for you to cut your teeth on, and I knew you'd be through here sooner or later on the way back to the Merry."

"Actually, we're on the other side of the island from the Merry." Robin said. "We're halfway to Tortugan, in fact."

"What? Then how did you find me here?"

Robin looked over her shoulder at the broad swath of cleanly-severed branches and stumps Zoro had left behind him all the way from the park. "I ... used some old tracker's techniques." She turned back to him, looking him straight in the eye. "You really think I'm ready for this?"

"I think there's a good chance. And if you're not, you can always just take care of him the usual way."

"What in blazes are you two babbling about?" Paul harrumphed, nearly severing his carotid artery. "Are you going to fight me or not, Roronoa?"

"I'm not." Zoro jerked his thumb in Robin's direction. "She is. That is, if you'll lend her a few weapons from your collection, there."

"Oh, very magnanimous of me, that would be, wouldn't it?" Paul laughed. "Well, I suppose I can afford it. Listen, Miss, if you really want to go through with this, I promise I'll only use the flat of my blades on you, and then once I've knocked you silly with it, I'll take my swords back and your boyfriend's as well."

"I can pick any of these?" Robin looked down at the pack bulging with blades of every shape and description.

"Take one, or two. Take three if you like. Unless you can come up with a way to hold four, you've got no chance."

"You really think that more swords will always beat fewer. This should be interesting." Robin smiled cryptically. "I think I'll take..." Her hand hovered over the pack for a moment. "All of them."

"ALL of them?"

Robin straightened herself up and faced Paul. "All of them." she confirmed. "It's time to introduce 'Hyakutoryu' to the world."

Next time! Robin unleashes Hundred-Swords Style! And why was she learning sword fighting? The AMAZINGLY SHOCKING (actually, not at all) answer in the next chapter! Estimated date of publication: Spring, 2009!


	9. Hyakutoryu

Wasuremono: The Things We Leave Behind

Chapter 9: Hyakutoryu

"You want me to teach you _what_?"

"I want to learn how to use a sword. You're the only one here who knows."

"Why the sudden interest?" Zoro asked, a bit curtly. Robin _had _just woken him in the middle of a perfectly good nap, after all - judging by the light of the setting sun peeking out over the Merry's guardrails, barely an hour had passed. Assuming that was west, and not east... "Is being able to snap someone's neck from a hundred meters away not good enough?"

"In the Grand Line... with what we've got ahead of us ... deciding you're 'good enough' is a good way to end up dead. Besides, not everyone is vulnerable to my bare hands. The time might come when I need some other skill." Robin looked at him. "I thought that since you were right here..."

"...I could show you how to kill someone who's not 'vulnerable to your bare hands'. Someone who can't be hurt by physical blows, who can't be twisted or snapped out of shape, but who's as susceptible as anyone else to bladed weapons? And

it doesn't occur to you that I might find it somewhat suspicious?"

"No!" Robin said, blinking in surprise. "I mean, obviously I don't mean _that_. Not _him_. There are monstrous powers ahead - Aokiji, and --"

"Right, because my sword was such a help against Aokiji." He grinned at her. "Must be second nature by now - working out a way to kill your boss, so you'll have it when you need it..."

Her face stayed cast in the same calm, emotionless mask she almost always wore, but her eyes flashed angrily. "You've made

it perfectly clear you don't trust me. I suppose I should have known better than to ask you. Go back to sleep, I'll work it out on my own."

"On your own?"

"I have books - textbooks on technique."

"You're not going to learn much of use trying to pick it all up from a book."

"I'm well aware of that, but that's the option that's left to me."

"You're really serious about this."

"Yes, I am. I'd like to make myself stronger - I believe you can understand that. But _I _can understand why you wouldn't want to offer me the help." She turned to leave.

"It's not that I wouldn't like to trust you." he said. She paused, her hand on the doorknob.

"And for what it's worth," Zoro continued, his eyes fixed on the clouds. "I think you're probably loyal to us. Luffy thinks so, and he usually has excellent instincts. But,"

"Here's the thing about really good instincts. When they work, they work. Luffy's jumped to a lot of conclusions in the time I've known him. Most of the time, they turn out to be right. But he's not an oracle. He's been wrong before. At Whisky Peak... just before we met you, in fact ... he came close to killing me because he jumped to a conclusion that was totally wrong. I'd like to be able to welcome you into the crew with open arms the way the others have. Believe me, I'd _love_ to do that. But my first loyalty has to be to Luffy, and it's my responsibility to harbor the suspicion that he doesn't - just in case this is another of those rare occasions. So don't take it too hard."

Robin nodded slowly, without turning back to look at him, and walked into the cabin. Zoro tried to fall back asleep, but it was difficult for some reason. Finally he realized why - he had to go to the bathroom.

He had to pass by the storage room on the way. Robin was in there, holding a wooden practice sword in one hand and a book in the other. To his trained eye, the sloppy form of her grip was instantly obvious, and grating.

"You're holding that completely wrong." he said, coming into the room. "Look, your grip should be more like this..."

"Did you change your mind about teaching me?" Robin asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

"I'm not going to teach you, it's just irritating to see you holding it like that. You should have your fingers here, and your thumbs here."

"Got it." She waved it around experimentally.

"WATCH WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH THAT! If that was a real sword, you'd have taken your ear off." He grabbed the book and tossed it away. "If that's the way that book told you to do it, you're better off using it for toilet paper. You weren't even in a proper stance."

"I just started! What do you expect?"

"Look, I'm not going to stay here all day giving you pointers, but I'm at least going to show you how to get in the right stance. Because if I have to watch you do it like that, I'll be embarrassed for you. See how I'm standing? You get more leverage when--"

"ROBIN-CHAAN!" Sanji poked his head in the room. "I'm doing the seven-fifteen snack patrol. Do you have any orders?"

"No thank you, not right now, cook-san."

"Let me know if you need anything!" With that, he was off, presumeably to hunt down Nami.

"It's disgusting the way that idiot lets himself be manipulated." Zoro growled. "Now where were we? Right, you need to stand like this. Put your wrist down a little more."

"Is this right?"

"You're holding it too tightly now. You should have a firm grip, not a deathgrip. Here, I'll wield a sword too and you try a few swings at me, so you can see what the difference is - "

XXXXXX

"Hyakutoryu?" Paul snorted derisively. "Hundred-swords style? As long as you're being completely ridiculous, why not bump it up to ten thousand and defeat me with mantoryu?"

"Well, for one thing, there aren't a thousand swords here." Robin said, gingerly digging through the pile of blades. She picked out a few of the less battered ones, tossing most of the rest aside into the tall grass. When she'd made a pile of ten, she turned back to Paul. "But maybe you're right - I think I'll start with fewer. Just these ten here."

"_Just_ ten? Someone's eyes are bigger than her muscles, eh?" Paul grinned, opening up a fresh wound on his neck. "Tell you what, if a skinny thing like you can even _lift_ ten swords at once, I'll let you take the first ten blows. Your chance to draw first blood, hmm?"

_Too late, it's already gone to you, from yourself_, Robin thought, but she nodded. "Agreed. Diece fleur." She popped eight extra arms from her sides and took a sword in each of her now-ten hands. "Ten swords style, Attack Number 1 Working Title!" she called out, wishing she hadn't put off thinking up a name as she brought the blades down in one shimmering downpour of steel. Oh, that one would do. "Steel Downpour!" she hastily amended.

The deadly "drops" of the sudden storm didn't get a chance to soak their intended target though - they skidded instead off of Paul's hasty block.

Robin frowned. "What happened to giving me the first ten blows if I could pick up the swords?"

Paul snorted. "Obviously I didn't realize you could actually _do_ it." Without warning, he swung the massive sword in his left hand towards her with the force of a battering ram. She only just managed to deflect the mighty blow, but three of the her own swords were ripped away and flung into the woods.

She didn't get another opening - Paul may have been ham-handed and lacking in agility, but he more than made up for it with his incredible power, and she soon found her arms aching from the force of his swords slamming into her hastily thrown-up defenses. There were openings, but it was taking all her strength just to stay alive - and even when she did manage a thrust with one of her hands, Paul easily deflected it with his sharp metal 'tusks', which were doing something besides injure him for once.

The pain in her wrists grew unbearable, and one by one, she lost her remaining armaments as Paul gleefully sent them flying. Finally, she stood before him unarmed. The hulking swordsman pressed one of his swords to her cheek. "Well, you're certainly a strange little trick pony, but your skills were even poorer than I expected. I suppose you think this proves me wrong, Roronoa. 'Look, more swords aren't always better'! Was that the reason for this pathetic display? This doesn't prove much, though. In the hands of someone as unskilled as this one here, a sword isn't really a sword - but nothing but a stick."

Robin looked at Zoro apologetically. "Sorry. I should have known I couldn't beat him using ten swords."

Zoro waved his hand dismissively. "I wouldn't have expected you to anyway. You did just start training after all. Stop showboating and just finish him off."

"Haven't you been paying attention, Roronoa?" Pauled slapped the flat of his blade lightly against Robin's cheek. "Just who's going to finish off who, do you think? --- hmm?"

The large man froze at the sounds rising from the grass - soft and slithering, as though the clearing had suddenly become infested with snakes. He squinted in the failing light, unable to accept at first what he saw when he looked around him. It seemed at though the grass itself had become animated, growing taller and taking on the glint of metal. He realize what he was seeing, then. Arms - disembodied arms, dozens of them, rising from the ground, each holding aloft one of the swords his opponent had thrown away earlier, bringing the field to dangerous life.

"Cien fleur hyakutoryu." Robin said. "Blades of Grass!" As though a sudden gust of wind had torn across the field, the hundred swords moved as in one wave. A few drops of blood splattered onto Robin's forehead as the master of four-swords style was cut down.

XXXXXX

"Your grip is wrong again." Honestly, after more than a dozen sessions how could she still be forgetting the right way to do something as elementary as that? Maybe the rest of her hands were off somewhere doing something else again. Zoro moved around behind her and encircled her with his arms, putting a hand on each of hers. "_This _finger should be here, and _this _finger -"

"WHAT'S _THIS_ ABOMINATION?" Sanji's angry shout blasted across the room. "What are you doing to Robin-chan?"

"Not that it's any of your business," Zoro said. "but I'm just showing her the right way to do something -"

All the color drained out of Sanji's face and hair. "WHAT? How dare you presume to touch her! Besides, I'm sure that although she's totally pure and innocent, if she DID do anything of, of that nature, she'd be automatically perfect at it the first time!"

"'Of that nature'?" Zoro looked at him incredulously. "I don't know what you're talking about." He shoved Sanji out onto the deck. "Take your babbling somewhere else!"

"How can you try to play dumb?" Sanji retorted angrily. "Not that that shouldn't come naturally to you. I walked in on you groping her!"

"Idiot, if you'd listen for even five seconds, I could tell you that - "

And so the eternal argument, the perpetual butting of heads between the alpha rams of the Going Merry raged on.

End of Chapter Nine! It seems as though all of Swiss' underlings have either been defeated or chased off. But what of Swiss herself? The pulchritudinous perforated pirate makes her move, next time!


End file.
